did I go wrong?” This question tormented Michael,
from South
Africa. As hard as he had tried to be a good father, every time he thought
about his wayward 19-year-old son, he wondered if he could have been a better
parent.
contrast, Terry, who lives in Spain, seems to have succeeded as a father. His
son, Andrew, says: “Many of my earliest memories of my dad are of him reading
to me, playing with me, and taking me on trips where he and I could spend time
alone. He made learning fun.”
Admittedly,
it is not easy to be a good father. But there are basic principles that can
help. Many fathers have found that they and their families benefit when they
follow the wisdom found in these principles.
1.
Make Time for Your Family
a father, how do you show your children that they are important to you? Surely
there are many things you do for your children, including the sacrifices you
make to feed them and provide them with an adequate home. You would not do such
things if your children were not important to you. Yet, if you do not spend
significant amounts of time with your children, they might conclude that you
care more for other things, such as your job, your friends, or your hobbies,
than you do for them.
should a father begin to spend time with his children? A mother begins to form
a bond with her child while it is still in the womb. Some 16 weeks after
conception, an unborn baby might begin to hear. At this stage a father too can
start to build his unique relationship with his unborn child. He can listen to
the baby’s heartbeat, feel it kick, talk to it, and sing to it.
2. Good Fathers Are Good
Communicators
Listen
calmly without being judgmental
In
order to communicate effectively with your children, you must be a careful
listener. You need to cultivate the ability to listen without overreacting.
your children think that you will lose your temper quickly and be judgmental,
they will have little incentive to express their inner feelings to you. But if
you listen to them calmly, you will show that you are genuinely interested in
them. They will in turn be far more likely to share their precious thoughts and
feelings with you.
3.
Give Loving Discipline and Commendation
when you feel frustrated or angry, the discipline you administer should be an
expression of loving concern for the long-term welfare of your child. It
includes advice, correction, education, and chastisement when needed.
discipline is much more effective when a father commends his children
regularly. An ancient proverb says: “As apples of gold in silver carvings is a
word spoken at the right time for it.” Commendation
enriches a child’s character. Children blossom when they are acknowledged and
appreciated. A father who looks for opportunities to give commendation will
help to build confidence in his children and motivate them not to give up
trying to do what is right.
4. Love and Respect Your Wife
The
way a father exercises his role as a husband is certain to affect children. One
group of experts on child development explains: “One of the best things a
father can do for his children is to respect their mother. . . . A
father and mother who respect each other and let their children know it provide
a secure environment for them.”—The
Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children.
