General

The challenges faced by single parents in the upbringing of their children

Introduction

According to Salami and Alawode (2010), since there are no generally adoptable pre-designed rules or templates for the upbringing of children, parents are faced with very challenging tasks in the upbringing of their children. These tasks are even more challenging in the case of a single parent.

Single parenthood involves a sole parent who cares for children without the help of the other parent (Ward, 2011). A single parent family is, thus, a nuclear family where one or more children are nurtured by either a father or a mother. Such a family is often referred to as father/mother headed family (Igba, 2006). In such situation, the remaining parent not only inherits the responsibilities of the missing parent, but also takes custody of their children, in addition to his/her own roles as father or mother (Ezeigbo, 2011).

Single parenthood could be a situation where a woman, for instance, decides to have and nurture a child on her own, while remaining unmarried or single. Single parenthood could result from the death of a spouse or divorce. There are also other instances when single parenthood occurs involuntarily as a result of rape. There are many causes of single parenthood in both developed and developing countries of the world. Other causes of single parenthood include: death of a parent, wars and violent crises, rape and sexual harassment (International Displaced Monitoring Centre, 2008).

Single parent families face various challenges. Some challenges of single parenthood include; childcare and training needs, child support enforcement, loneliness, and psychological problems (Uchendu, 2008). Others are: career challenges, insecurity and dating (Pankow, 2007). The children raised by single parents may also face challenges of ridicule by friends, lack of educational support, lack of father/mother, lack of mentors, and a greater exposure to sexual abuse by members of the opposite sex, etc.

Conceptual framework

According to Rampell (2010), a single parent is an uncoupled individual who shoulders most or all of the day-to-day responsibilities for raising a child or children. A mother is more often the primary caregiver in a single-parent family structure that has arisen due to death of the partner, divorce or unplanned pregnancy. O’Hare (2011) stated that single parenthood occurs in the forms of a family headed by a divorced parent, a family headed by a widowed parent or a family headed by a single parent who is not married yet or is a single parent by choice.

According to Pollitt (2009), single parent family is a household in which only one parent lives with a child or children. Single parenthood as viewed by Achakpa (2009) is the taking of family responsibility (which includes caring for children)without the father’s or mother’s contribution.

Myles (2007) emphasized that stress is inherent in the situation of a single parents trying to bring up children alone. The single parent may be faced with different challenges which may include health, school performance and other matter concerning the offspring, insecurity, financial pressure, lack of companion in the home and the burden of bringing up children alone; all constitute stressful conditions whichtake their toll on the health of women who find themselves in the situation of being single parents. Single-parenthood has to do with loneliness, hence many single parents find themselves feeling isolated at one point or another. Single parents commonly experience difficulty with role identity. Some form of social stigma is still attached to single-parent states regardless of how it was acquired (Nwachukwu, 2006).

Prevalence of single parenthood

Globally, most families are undergoing transition from two-parent families to one-parent ones, giving rise mostly to the emergence of single mother families (Kamerumau and Khan, 2011). Approximately 12 million children in the United States under the age of 18 now live with only one parent, with approximately 95% of these children living in single mother families (Levitin, 2010).

Similar patterns have been found in sub-Saharan African countries. This is evident in the Demographic and Health Surveys (DHS) data in some sub-Saharan African countries on children’s living arrangements. The proportion of children living in a mother only family differs depending on countries. For example, Nigeria (10.1%), Uganda (16.9%), Tanzania (17.3 %), Zambia (17.8 %), South Africa (34.4%), Namibia (27.3%), Zimbabwe (26.3%) (Nwachukwu, 2008).

In countries with a high Muslim population such as Nigeria, out of wedlock pregnancy is taboo and pregnant adolescents are forced into marriage by their parents. However in Southern Africa, AIDS related death and premarital childbearing may explain the high proportion of children living in a single mother family (Odumosu, 2007).

Previous studies hypothesized that the rise in single mother families in sub-Saharan Africa is due to the following factors: increase in age of marriage, increased economic opportunities for women, labour migration, lack of marriageable men (Otite and Ogionwo, 2008) which have shown to have adverse effects on the lives of women and children. For example, in the recent past, there has been a mass exodus of men in most of the African countries to different parts of the world in search for greener pasture in the process leaving their wives and children behind.

Forms of single parenthood

Single parenthood occurs in different forms, notably according to Shireman and Johnson (2015) are:

Widowed parents
Divorced parents
Unintended pregnancy
Choice single parenthood
Single parent adoption

Widowed parents: Historically, death of a partner is a common cause of single parenting. Diseases and maternal death frequently resulted in a widower or widow responsible for children. At certain times wars might also deprive significant numbers of families of a parent (Rampell, 2010).
Divorced parents: Divorce is one of the most common causes of single parenthood. When divorce happens, one of the parents is saddled with the responsibilities of catering for the children with all the associate challenges that may arise. Children are affected by divorce in many different ways, varying by the circumstances and age of the child. Young children ages two to six are generally the most fearful of parental separation, and often feel abandoned or confused (Benokraitis, 2012).
Unintended pregnancy: Out of wedlock births are not acceptable in some societies, and they often result in single parenting. A partner may also leave as he or she may want to evade the responsibility of bringing up the child. This also may result in a negative impact on the child. Mothers with unintended pregnancies, and their children, are subject to numerous adverse health effects, including increased risk of violence and death, and the children are less likely to succeed in school and are more likely to live in poverty and be involved in crime (Cherlin, 2010).
Choice single parenthood: Some individuals choose to become pregnant and parent on their own. Others choose to adopt. Typically referred to as “Single Mothers by Choice” or “Choice Moms” thought, fathers also (less commonly) may choose to become single parents through adoption or surrogacy. Many turn to single parenthood by choice after not finding the right person to raise children with, and for women, it often comes out of a desire to have biological children before it is too late to do so (Shireman and Johnson, 2015).
Single parent adoption: Single parent adoptions have existed since the mid-19th century. Men were rarely considered as adoptive parents, and were considered far less desired. Often, children adopted by a single person were raised in pairs rather than alone, and many adoptions by lesbians and gay men were arranged as single parent adoptions (Renee, 2006).

Contributory factors to single parenthood

According to Ramphell (2010), there are five major contributory factors to single parenthood. These are:

Violent crisis/war/civil disturbances/accident
Rape and sexual harassment
Divorce/separation
Sickness/disease/death
Teenage pregnancy

Violent crisis/war/civil disturbances/accident: Single parenthood occurs as a result of so many factors. Meyer (2009) stated that violent crisis such as war, civil disturbance and accident are the major leading cause of single parenthood as these to the death of the one of the parents or displacement in the cause of fighting for survival in the case of war.
Rape and sexual harassment: Rape and sexual harassment lead to unwanted pregnancy. When this happens, the child is born into a single parent family which in most cases is headed by the mothers (Ramphell, 2010).
Divorce/separation: Divorce and separation occurs when couples resolve not to live together for whatever reasons. During divorce or separation, since the parents are no longer living together, it becomes implied that the child/children will have to live with only one of the parents as a single parent who in turn is saddled with the responsibility of the upbringing of the child/children (Meyer, 2009).
Sickness/disease/death: The death, disease and death of one of the couple rendered the couple incapable or outrightly unavailable in taking responsibilities in the upbringing of the child/children (Nwachukwu, 2008).
Teenage pregnancy: In most cases when teenage pregnancy occurs, one or both of the parents are not ready for marriage. As a result both of them cannot live together as a couple hereby leading to single parenthood in the upbringing of the child/children (Nwachukwu, 2008).

Challenges facing single parents

There are several challenges facing single parents in the upbringing of their children. Nwachukwu (2008) summarised these challenges thus:

Emotional problems
Financial problems
Social problems

Emotional problems

Single parents, especially mothers tend to suffer from a feeling of rootlessness and lack of identity after divorce/widowhood. This is especially true of women whose identity was formerly associated with that of their husbands. In many single parents, feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, anger and anxiety about future are so dominant, that they bring out personality changes.

Igba (2006)found that widows experience traumatic grief following the death of a spouse, depression, helpless, hopeless, loneliness, emotional imbalance and short-tempered.

2. Financial problems

Financial crises are a standing situation with most of the single parent families. It becomes difficult in meeting the basic needs of children such as food, clothing, school fees, maintaining the previous standard of living and meet personal expense. This situation leads to economic helplessness. Single parents become the primary wage earners after the death of their spouse. They are then forced to shoulder responsibilities of spouse which lead to depression in single parents (Nwachukwu, 2008).

3. Social problems

Single parents discover that there is little place for them among married couples. Most of the widow’s social life is centred on activities with other women. If she is economically handicapped, then she is unable to participate in many community social organizations. Most single mothers do not attend any social functions after the death of their spouse due to the feeling of low self-esteem and lack of identity and financial problems. These women hesitated to make new friends and hence experienced lack of companionship.

Solutions to challenges faced by single parents

The challenges facing single parents are enormous but surmountable. According to Meyer (2009), these challenges can be minimized by:

Managing finance effectively
Setting up a support system
Maintaining a daily routine
Being consistent with discipline
Answering questions honestly
Abolishing guilt
Spending time with children
Taking time off for oneself
Staying positive

Managing finance effectively: Raising a family on one income, or relying on an ex-spouse for child support, can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting alone. That is why it is important to take steps to manage money effectively, learn about long-term investments, plan for college and retirement, and, if possible, single parents should enhance their earning power by going back to school or getting additional job training.
Setting up a support system: All single parents need help- whether it is someone to watch over the children while the single parent runs out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when the single parent feel overwhelmed. While it is tempting to try to handle everything alone, asking friends and family members for help can go a long way to reducing the stress associated with single parenthood. A single parent could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted baby-sitter to help out with the children or someone to assist with house work.
Maintaining a daily routine: Single parent should try to schedule meals, chores, bedtimes, and other family functions at regular hours so that children can know exactly what to expect each day. A consistent routine will help children to feel more secure and help you feel more organized.
Being consistent with discipline: Children thrive when they know which behaviours are expected of them and which rules they need to follow. Single parents who are divorced or separated must work with their spouse to create and observe consistent rules and methods of discipline (there’s nothing more stressful than having one parent undermine the other).
Answering questions honestly: Inevitably, questions will come up about the changes in family structure or about the absence of one parent from the children. Single parents must answer the questions in an open, honest, and age-appropriate way. It is necessary that the single parent makes sure those children gets the help and support they need to deal with difficult emotions.
Abolishing guilt:It is always easy for single parents to feel guilty about the time they do not have or the things they cannot do or provide for their children. But for the own sense of the single parent well-being, it is better to focus on all the things they do accomplish on a daily basis and on all the things they do provide. They should focus on helping the child get the help they need.
Spending time with children: Even though there might be a lot of responsibilities begging for the single parent’s attention, he/she should spend quiet time playing, reading, going for a walk, or simply listening to music together.
Taking time off for oneself: It is important for the single parent to schedule time for his/herself. Even if it is something as simple as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or having a chat with a friend, setting aside a little personal time will give the single parent a chance to relax.
Staying positive: It is easy to become overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and demands of single parenthood. On top of that, he/she may be experiencing the pain of divorce or the death of a spouse. Despite all of these feelings, it is important to maintain a positive attitude, since the children are affected by a badly managed mood. The best way to deal with stress is to exercise regularly, maintain a proper diet and get enough rest.

References

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