Bullying is
no trivial matter. A British study found that more than 40 percent of the youth
suicides reported in the national media appeared to involve bullying as a
contributing factor.
no trivial matter. A British study found that more than 40 percent of the youth
suicides reported in the national media appeared to involve bullying as a
contributing factor.
What is bullying?
Bullying
includes more than physical assaults. It can also involve the following.
includes more than physical assaults. It can also involve the following.
·
Verbal attacks. “Girls can be brutal with
their words,” says 20-year-old Celine. “I’ll never forget the names they called
me or the things they said. They made me feel worthless, unwanted, and
good-for-nothing. I’d rather have been given a black eye.”
·
Social isolation. “My schoolmates started to
avoid me,” says 18-year-old Haley. “They would make it seem that there was no
room at the lunch table so I couldn’t sit with them. For the whole year, I
cried and ate alone.”
Social isolation. “My schoolmates started to
avoid me,” says 18-year-old Haley. “They would make it seem that there was no
room at the lunch table so I couldn’t sit with them. For the whole year, I
cried and ate alone.”
·
Cyberbullying. “With just a few keystrokes
on a computer,” says 14-year-old Daniel, “you can ruin someone’s reputation—or
even his life. It sounds like an overstatement, but it can happen!”
Cyberbullying also includes sending harmful photos or text messages using a
cell phone.
Cyberbullying. “With just a few keystrokes
on a computer,” says 14-year-old Daniel, “you can ruin someone’s reputation—or
even his life. It sounds like an overstatement, but it can happen!”
Cyberbullying also includes sending harmful photos or text messages using a
cell phone.
Why do people bully others?
These are
some common reasons.
some common reasons.
·
They themselves have been
bullied. “I
was so sick and tired of being mistreated by my peers that I began to bully
others just to fit in,” admits a young man named Antonio. “Later I looked back
and realized how wrong it was to do that!”
They themselves have been
bullied. “I
was so sick and tired of being mistreated by my peers that I began to bully
others just to fit in,” admits a young man named Antonio. “Later I looked back
and realized how wrong it was to do that!”
·
They have poor role models. “Many times young bullies
treat other people . . . the way they see their parents, older brothers and
sisters, or other family members treat others,” writes Jay McGraw in his book Life Strategies for Dealing
With Bullies.
They have poor role models. “Many times young bullies
treat other people . . . the way they see their parents, older brothers and
sisters, or other family members treat others,” writes Jay McGraw in his book Life Strategies for Dealing
With Bullies.
·
They act as if they are
superior—and yet they’re insecure. “Kids who bully have an air of superiority that
is often a mask to cover up deep hurt and a feeling of inadequacy,” notes
Barbara Coloroso in her book The
Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.
They act as if they are
superior—and yet they’re insecure. “Kids who bully have an air of superiority that
is often a mask to cover up deep hurt and a feeling of inadequacy,” notes
Barbara Coloroso in her book The
Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.
Who is most likely to be a target?
·
Loners. Some young people who lack
social skills isolate themselves from others and become easy marks for bullies.
Loners. Some young people who lack
social skills isolate themselves from others and become easy marks for bullies.
·
Youths
who are perceived as being different. Some youths are targeted by bullies because of
their appearance, race, or religion or even because they have a
disability—anything the bully can pick on.
Youths
who are perceived as being different. Some youths are targeted by bullies because of
their appearance, race, or religion or even because they have a
disability—anything the bully can pick on.
·
Youths
who lack self-confidence. Bullies
can detect those who think negatively of themselves. These are often the
easiest targets, since they’re not likely to fight back.
Youths
who lack self-confidence. Bullies
can detect those who think negatively of themselves. These are often the
easiest targets, since they’re not likely to fight back.
What can you do if you’re bullied?
·
Don’t react. “Bullies want to know that
they’ve succeeded in making you feel bad about yourself,” says a young woman
named Kylie. “If you don’t react, they lose interest.”
Don’t react. “Bullies want to know that
they’ve succeeded in making you feel bad about yourself,” says a young woman
named Kylie. “If you don’t react, they lose interest.”
·
Don’t retaliate. Revenge will add to the
problem, not solve it.
Don’t retaliate. Revenge will add to the
problem, not solve it.
·
Don’t
walk into trouble. To
the extent possible, avoid people and situations where bullying may occur.
Don’t
walk into trouble. To
the extent possible, avoid people and situations where bullying may occur.
·
Try
an unexpected response. An answer, when mild, turns
away rage.
Try
an unexpected response. An answer, when mild, turns
away rage.
·
Use
humor. For
example, if a bully asserts that you’re overweight, you could simply shrug your
shoulders and say, “I guess I could lose a few pounds!”
Use
humor. For
example, if a bully asserts that you’re overweight, you could simply shrug your
shoulders and say, “I guess I could lose a few pounds!”
·
Walk
away. “Silence
shows that you are mature and that you are stronger than the person harassing
you,” says 19-year-old Nora. “It demonstrates self-control—something the bully
doesn’t have.”
Walk
away. “Silence
shows that you are mature and that you are stronger than the person harassing
you,” says 19-year-old Nora. “It demonstrates self-control—something the bully
doesn’t have.”
·
Work on your self-confidence.
“Bullies
notice when you aren’t relaxed,” says a girl named Rita, “and they might use
that to destroy whatever self-confidence you have.”
Work on your self-confidence.
“Bullies
notice when you aren’t relaxed,” says a girl named Rita, “and they might use
that to destroy whatever self-confidence you have.”
·
Tell someone. According to one survey, more
than half of all victims who are bullied online don’t report what’s going on,
possibly because of shame (especially for boys) or fear of retaliation. But
remember, bullies thrive on secrecy. Speaking up can be the first step to
ending the nightmare.
Tell someone. According to one survey, more
than half of all victims who are bullied online don’t report what’s going on,
possibly because of shame (especially for boys) or fear of retaliation. But
remember, bullies thrive on secrecy. Speaking up can be the first step to
ending the nightmare.
